Confessions From Traveling Solo

Last July I booked my first trip overseas by myself. I had traveled alone in the states before, and I had been out of the country with friends and family, but going alone was something I had never seriously considered. I guess prior to booking the trip, I hadn't had enough faith in myself or my ability to venture very far outside of my comfort zone.

Santorini was at the top of my travel bucket list for as long as I could remember. I was in a headspace at the time where I needed desperately to find some sort of inspiration after 4 years in LA. My energy felt stagnant and while I thought my jobs there were fun, I didn't feel incredibly passionate about anything I was doing. I had felt that passion in the past when I was traveling or playing music so I knew I had the capacity to feel it again. I had to listen to my heart... and my heart said Greece. :)

The first two days of being in a foreign country alone were half thrilling, half terrifying. Actually, I'm going to say more terrifying than thrilling. Not only was my brain totally fried from the 26 hours it took me to get there and running around London for a day, but it turns out that attempting to abruptly escape and clear your head can cause an uproar from the voices that you're trying to silence. All of the feelings that I wanted to avoid were magnified by the awareness that I was totally out of my element.. and totally alone. 

The silver lining on that uncomfortable cloud was that it helped me to realize some of the things that I was unnecessarily holding onto. What was holding me back from being truly happy? I had to tackle these unwelcome emotions to realize how critical it was for me to let them go. I had to remind myself that while I hadn’t been that far out of my comfort zone in a long time, and It didn't feel good, I would come out a stronger person on the other side, and it would be totally worth it.

By the end of my second day there my jet lag had finally started to wear off and I knew the area around my hotel a little bit, so I started exploring a little bit farther. In LA a lot of my jobs had me talking to hundreds of strangers a day at conventions, so there was no reason I couldn't just use that confidence to talk to strangers in town, right? (I also lived alone in Vegas for 3 months and I would find people who seemed nice and say "Hey, I don't know anyone here, want to be friends?" Some of my closest friends came from doing that.)

The first two days I cried a lot. There was a lot I needed to address in my head and heart. But I ventured out, met new people, explored the island and forced myself to keep going even if I was scared. At the end of the trip I was crying because I had made some incredible friends and conquered so many fears and demons within myself that I wasn't ready to leave! Talk about a total 180.

Now, whenever I book a trip somewhere alone, I'm not scared that I won't be able to handle it. I know that even though I felt absolutely helpless in Santorini, I left feeling empowered and connected to myself and some awesome new people. Those are the feelings I want more of in my life. The more I traveled alone over the last year, the more comfortable I became, and now sometimes I actually prefer it. While there is something to be said about traveling with friends or sharing an experience with someone you love, there is also something so beautiful about leaving everything familiar behind and being fully present with yourself somewhere new.

Has anyone else ever traveled outside of their country alone? What was your experience with your first solo trip? Let me know in the comments..

Love you guys.

Xx

Lis

One day in London

When I told people before my trip to Greece that I chose a flight with a 9 hour layover in London so I could run around and explore, most of them thought I was crazy. The rarely surfacing pessimist in me agreed. What if I wasn’t allowed out of the airport since I had checked a bag? Maybe I would get out of the airport, but get lost and miss my flight to Athens. I was sure something was going to go wrong. Things that scare me hadn’t always been the type that I dove straight into, but with my new commitment to traveling solo, I knew I was going to be uncomfortable once in a while. What I didn’t realize was just how magnified the over-analytical part of my brain would become. "You’re going to get mugged. You’re going to lose your passport. You’re going to accidentally turn on data roaming and get a $5,000 phone bill.. Blah blah."

I landed in London around 12:30pm on Tuesday. I wanted to be back at the airport by 8:15pm for my 10:00 flight. I had already checked in, so I didn’t have to be there 2 hours early, but I wanted to leave time for unexpected trip-ups... If you don't know me yet, you'll soon find out that I'm incredibly clumsy and have a tendency to do less planning than is probably appropriate. I like to tell myself that it's an endearing quality, or at the very least makes for a good story later. I'm definitely not the poster child for things going smoothly.  I had been told the line at customs was going to be a total bitch, and it was true. I didn’t get out of the airport until just after 2pm. As a total newb when it comes to London I was so grateful that right before the plane landed, while I was frantically googling "Things to do on a long layover in London," using the notoriously choppy airplane wifi, my friend Brad messaged me with a mock itinerary for me to attempt to follow. 

One day in London

The trains into the city leave right from the airport, so it wasn’t hard to find my way to the station. I bought a ticket for the tube (after asking three different people which ticket machine I was supposed to use…  thank God I was in a country where people spoke English!) I took the Piccadilly line to Piccadilly Circle. Map in hand, I found my way over to St. James’ Park. My sister told me before I left that the one thing she wanted me to do in London was to get a hot tea and take a picture of it, and since it was cool and windy that day I was happy to oblige. Buckingham Palace was on the opposite end, and if I wanted to get there and everywhere else I had on my list in the limited time I had, I needed to make haste. I hurried down the path, dodging kamikaze pigeons the entire way. I swear, these birds were on a mission to hit me in the face. While I did spill tea on myself a couple times trying to get away, nothing was going to slow me down.

At the end of the park I arrived at Buckingham Palace. I would have loved to stay and take hundreds of pictures  or try to do something silly to make the guards smile, but my goal was to do as many things as I could before I had to get back to the airport. I had to remind myself that someday I could come back to London and really explore. 

London Travel

I took a few snapshots of the palace and made sure to pause  to take in the moment. It’s weird trying to imagine what a feeling is going to be like before you are actually feeling it. The way I felt in front of that palace is not what I had expected at all. I thought I would be so in awe and feel so out of place. But the air in London felt similar to the air in New York City to me and I felt an odd sense of home. It was beautiful.

I headed back towards where I started, on a different path for scenery’s sake, and started the search for Big Ben. This part of town also wasn’t what I had pictured at all, but it was gorgeous. It was a windy, cloudy day which I found out later is fairly typical in London. (No, I didn’t look at the weather before I left home… Because if I didn’t go out and make all of these rookie mistakes, how would I be able to warn YOU not to make them? So yeah, check the weather.)

Big Ben London

I chilled with Big Ben for a few minutes and then I walked over to Westminster Pier. I walked across the bridge toward the London eye. There was a man playing a bagpipe and people darting back and forth across the sidewalk; tourists trying to take in the view, and locals trying to avoid being trampled by them. I turned around when I got to the other side of the bridge and had an amazing view of the river and Big Ben and the part of London I had explored so far. 

I crossed back over the bridge, found my way to the tube again and debated getting on it. I stopped and looked at my map decided that I had time to walk up to Covent Garden which was one of the places my friend told me to visit. I got a little lost on my way there, but I have no issues with asking for directions.  Everyone was super helpful and pointed me towards my destination (after letting me know I was holding the map upside down.) The only problem was, when I got to where I thought I was going, I couldn’t find the garden anywhere. I was sure this is where it was on the map. I walked in a few circles and then looked at another map that was posted on the street. Oops. Covent Garden isn’t a garden at all. It’s a shopping plaza. I’m a moron. 

Covent Garden

I took a few minutes to explore there, and then walked all the way back down to the Piccadilly Circle tube stop  (Only because the other station I had planned on using was temporarily closed.) I took the Bakerloo line up to Paddington where I was supposed to meet Brad at 6pm. Not having phone service makes life feel a lot more difficult (but not surprisingly, a lot more real.) I stood outside Upper Crust in the Paddington station and waited for a few minutes hoping I was in the right place. My friend walked up soon after. He took me to a pub called The Abbey and we had a beer there and caught up. It’s another odd feeling seeing a familiar face in an unfamiliar city. We left the pub and took a walk where he showed me the canals that run through that area. Gorgeous little houseboats lined the canal on both sides. I wanted to move into one. 

IMG_5119

I hopped back on the train around 7:30 and headed towards Heathrow. Since it was a layover and I didn’t have to check in and print my boarding pass, I was actually at the airport insanely early for my flight. Better safe than sorry in this case I presume. I called my sister, charged my phone, got a snack and waited. I was ready to head to Athens and then on to Santorini. I had seen so much of London in less than one day. I still can't believe everything went so perfectly!! I need to go back so I can actually breathe the city in and get to know the vibe, rather than running around like a squirrel who had too many pixy stix, but I think for just over 5 hours of actual time in the city, I did pretty damn well.

I highly recommend a long layover in London.  :) 

Cheers, 

Lisa 

Game of Thrones - Filming Locations Tour!

img_0721

I had talked about wanting to go to Northern Ireland ever since I went down a rabbit hole of pictures from the incredible filming locations they used for Game of Thrones. I had seen a site on the internet for tours that left from Dublin and Belfast and took you through some of these places. I became mildly obsessed with the idea, as I tend to do. My adoration for Kit Harington and my annoying self-given nickname of KhaLisa proved that my inappropriate love for Game of Thrones was going to have me making some ridiculous decisions. The first? Northern Ireland. Once I found out that going to Winterfell was something I could actually do, I HAD to do it. There was no other choice..

I planned my trip to Ireland , convinced my mom to come with me, and the next thing I knew, 12 days later we arrived in Dublin.

That night I slept like a rock and woke up the minute a tiny beam of sunlight peeked in the window. We had to be on the tour at 7:45am and I was at the door with my map in my hand and 3 different cameras ready. Sadly, that little beam of sunlight that woke me up was the only one we would see all day… but a little bit of rain won’t keep me from meeting the actual direwolf pups!!

We met the rest of the group outside of the Hilton Garden Inn in Dublin and hopped on the bus. Because of the nature of the show, the tour wouldn’t allow anyone under the age of 18. I was glad not to have a bunch of kids tagging along. Also I would seriously question any parent that allowed their young child to watch this show in the first place. 

img_0573

Our first stop was Tollymore Forest. It was a 2 mile walk through the park, which was used for a ton of scenes in Game of Thrones, most notably the pit where Wills finds the Wildlings in the very first episode of the show.

We stopped at the place where Tyrion and Jon Snow had acampfire on their way to the Wall. I sat on a stump that Jon Snow sat on and snapchatted something stupid about how since I was sitting there we were basically engaged, and then we moved on.

We stopped by the river where the direwolf pups were originally discovered by the Starks and then we had lunch at the Lobster Pot in Strangford where they had two of them (Odin and Thor, actually Northern Inuit dogs) that we could meet. They were known on the show as Summer and Grey Wind, belonging to Bran and Robb Stark. They obviously weren’t pups anymore. The grown direwolves are all CGI, so these were the only real dogs used in the show.

img_0725

Next was Winterfell. I obviously hyperventilated like 9 times during this part of the tour.I was the annoying one being like “Mom! Wait. Take a picture of me over here. Here too. And here. Take 4 here.” The location is Castle Ward, and honestly, it doesn’t really look that much like what you see on the show. So much is added using computers so you definitely have to use your imagination. I still freaked out. 

Game of Thrones Tour

Next we stopped at a small castle which was used as one of Walder Frey’s "Twins." In the show there are two, connected by a massive bridge. In reality, just one.. and no bridge. It was also used as Robb’s Camp in the Riverlands.

When we stopped in Inch Abbey, from the scene where Robb Stark was declared King in the North, it was the first time the rain stopped all day. We finally got to put on the cloaks!! Yesss. Haha. I had been so bummed out all day that we hadn't been able to wear them.

img_0722

After this I decided I was going to go to EVERY LOCATION that they used to film the show. I have since adopted new travel goals, but I would still love to check out some other ones sometime. Spain? Croatia? Malta? Yes please. :)

Xx

Lis

Santorini, Greece

Santorini was my first trip overseas alone. I'd wanted to go there forever and I decided to just take the leap and go for it.I booked my flight using points that I earned after reading Brice Conway’s guide “Takeoff.”

After the first few days where I was panicking about being alone and being insanely jet lagged for the first time in my life (That shit is no joke) I finally was ready to venture out. I went to Fira to explore a bit that day and met the captain of a beautiful sailboat. He told me they were doing a tour the next morning and that I was welcome to come along if I wanted to! Of course I was going to go. 

The sailing trip was amazing. They took us from Ia to Thiresia, to the volcanic islands where we jumped off the side of the boat to swim in the hot springs.  We went in the water right after someone had asked if there were a lot of sharks in these waters, and while he thought he was being comforting by saying  “Yes, but we have had no incidents," he obviously lost me after "yes" and I was a little bit terrified the whole time.

The only other people on the tour were some newlyweds from Boston, Morgan and Jon.  They had just been married in Italy a week or two before and had been traveling for a while before they ended up sitting across from me on this boat in Greece. We had traditional Greek food that the captain cooked for us, and I spent the day hanging out with them. While I felt a little bit like I was crashing their honeymoon party, I was so glad to meet some really rad people. She is a musician. They had been together for 7 years.  Connecting to people through a mutual love of travel is always really fun for me.

Greek Food Santorini Lisa Sansouci

Santorini

Being young, female and alone can definitely change a solo traveling experience a bit. I heard so many times "You're traveling alone!? Is that safe?! Be careful!" And I laughed it off because I like to think that I'm invincible. Alas, I found myself in a very awkward situation at a bar a few nights later with a man who wouldn’t leave me alone even when I asked him very sternly. As a firm believer in silver linings, the fact that I had to escape from this situation by talking to the first people I could find that spoke English actually turned out to be one of the best parts of the trip. I approached a group of girls that later told me they were from Canada. I whispered to one of them "Sorry to bother you, but I'm traveling alone and I'm in an uncomfortable situation right now with this guy. Do you mind if I hang out with you for a few minutes until he leaves?" Little did I know in this moment that I would spend a huge portion of the rest of my trip with these girls and I will never, ever forget them.. (Love you Ryv, Heather and Cat!) 

The following day I met up with a new friend who I met at the airport when I first arrived. He was in town with a group of 20 or so for a post-wedding celebration, and asked if I wanted to join them while they took their ATVs and explored the island.  Again, for adventure's sake, I said yes, hoping for the best when it came to him not being a serial killer. (Thank god, he wasn't! And neither were any of the other people in his party.. as far as I know.)

Santorini ATV

We took the ATV’s out and drove around the Island. It was so beautiful! In Pyrgos we stopped a Restaurant and ordered a bunch of appetizers to share at the table. There were different kinds of cheese, Taziki, Tomato balls, which are a staple in Santorini (I need to learn to make these.)  I was hesitant to try the octopus, but I had already flown to a foreign country by myself so I figured I’d go for it. (Not a fan.)

We sat at Franco’s Cafe and looked over the beautiful view from the castle. I had an iced tea with mint and lemon because my stomach still hurt from whatever licorice flavored grain alcohol I had overindulged in the night before while taking "It's cool, I'm on vacation" a bit too far. Also, I'm lucky Boston is 7 hours behind so it was only a mild fail that I drunkenly called my mom at 1:30 in the morning. That’s what a mother likes to hear (Hey mom, I’m drunk in a foreign country with a bunch of strangers!) 

Santorini Sunset Lisa Sansouci

All of a sudden it was Friday and I started to panic because I didn’t have enough time to do everything I wanted to do. I wanted to take a ferry to Mykonos. Everyone said if I go there I need to stay the night somewhere, but I had already paid for my hotel in Santorini so adding a second hotel room seemed a bit unnecessary. Plus I still had so much to see here. Surprise, I had overcommitted myself again.

Saturday morning I decided to wake up at 6:30am and take my ATV around the entire island. Not many people would be awake at this hour on a Saturday, so I would be less likely to encounter any traffic. I wanted to see the black beach in Perissa, and the white and red beaches. But, I had so many things to see that when I couldn’t find the white beach (how can you not find something like that?) I gave up and found the other two. Side note: I don’t recommend wearing flip flops when you go to the red beach. It’s a bit of a hike to get in there! 

I drove out to the very tip of the island to find the lighthouse and when I did I sat on the rocks overlooking the ocean. I was so proud of myself for having taken this trip. I found a path that led up a gorgeous rock staircase to a little room that was full of handmade musical instruments. I spoke with the woman who worked there and she showed me around and told me they had a local musician playing the following night. Sadly my trip would be over by then. If I go back, I will have to make sure to find this place again and enjoy the sounds of Santorini.

Santorini Donkey

Also, this happened. I rode a donkey down a huge set of stairs.

If you visit, you must go to Caldera View Cafe. I ended up here a couple times. The first time was by accident. I drove past it on my ATV and wanted a coffee. I had more frappes on this trip than is probably appropriate. Like many, I have a tendency on vacation to eat and drink things I would never consider consuming at home. The owner of the cafe, Alex, was so kind and I hung out there for a few hours, chatting about life in Santorini and of course asking if I could have a job there next summer so I could stay!

Santorini changed my life. I had a new passion and need to see the world. I now know that I can travel on my own and survive. I adore that island. I’ll definitely go back. 

Santorini Sunset Lisa Sansouci

Xx

Lis

Dear Ireland, I love you.

Lisa Sansouci

I’m on a plane back from Ireland. It honestly feels as though in the time it took me to take one breath, the last 8 days flew by.

It was during a meditation one morning a few weeks ago with one of my new friends that I met on Periscope Anita Wing Lee , that this trip was born. During the meditation we closed our eyes and she told us to imagine stepping into our ultimate travel destination. I wasn’t sure what mine was. It had always been Santorini, but now I had checked that off my list. I had my journal with a list of my top places, but I didn’t know where to go next. When I closed my eyes I pictured myself on a cobblestone path that led to a forest. I couldn’t see myself in the image, just the ground passing beneath me. The land around me was beautiful and green. I realized after a few minutes that I needed to go to Ireland.

After we meditated on this image for a while, she asked us to think of one small step we could take towards our next travel goal. I knew which pockets of time I had free, and I had the frequent flier miles to make it happen, but I had become so overwhelmed with the things that had piled up, since I had the heart of a traveler, but the life of someone incredibly situated. When she asked what small step I could take I realized that ALL I had left to do was book the flight.When you calm your mind even for a few minutes, you’ll see so many things you may have overlooked. You’ll also realize most of the time that the “huge” issues you’ve been stressing over aren’t so huge at all.. they may not even be issues. Silver lining, where are you? I know you’re there!

My mom has traveled to Ireland before, so I told her that when I decided to go I would call her in the off-chance that she might want to come with me. So at this point I had decided to leave my apartment in LA in 12 days and fly to Dublin. Afterwards I would fly straight to Boston for the camping trip that I take with my mom in Maine every summer. I had a feeling it might be a bit too spontaneous for her to agree so quickly, but then again most of my ideas for adventures have people laughing or totally confused. I was so excited when she said she would come with me! She knew the country far better than I could from reading websites and travel blogs, and she offered to rent a car and drive me along the southern coast of Ireland. Amazing news. Thanks mom!

My mom would fly in from Boston and I would leave from LA and we would meet at the Dublin airport. The plan was as follows:

8/4 Dublin —> 8/5 Northern Ireland (For the Game of Thrones Filming Location Tour) —>8/6 Kilkenny—> 8/7 Cork —> 8/7 Killarney —> 8/9 Limerick —> 8/10 Galway —> 8/11Dublin —> Home

When I got to the airport I heard bagpipes playing and there was a lot of commotion. I realized that I was arriving at the airport at the exact same time as the athletes from the special olympics, (which was crazy since I had been at the opening ceremonies in Los Angeles a week earlier and seen the same team walk right in front of me.) There were hundreds of people waiting outside the door to greet them upon their return. There were two doors that lead into the airport from our terminal. The athletes would go out one, and the rest of us were directed to another door so we wouldn’t accidentally end up in a parade. I was the first one out the door, at the same time they opened the other door for the athletes. Even though I knew the cheers weren’t for me it was so fun to walk out the door to a huge wave of cheers and applause and people waving. I felt like a queen! (A Khaleesi!) What an amazing welcome into this country. Haha It felt like God was telling me that my decision to travel the world was a good one.

The first day in any city is usually shrouded in brain-fog because my body is super sensitive to jet lag, but I stumbled around Dublin with my mom and braced myself for what was going to be a crazy week. I had been so excited about the Game of Thrones tour that I had a hard time getting any sleep on the plane.

(I wrote another blog all about the Game of Thrones tour, so I won't go into detail about that here.)

We spent 2 nights in Dublin at the Kildare Street Hotel. Dublin wasn't what I expected at all. It had much more of a city vibe than I thought. I am glad my mom came with me to show me the rest of Ireland because while Dublin was really rad, I was partial to the towns that weren't as metropolitan.

Next stop, Kilkenny! Driving through Ireland is magical. The low fog over the rolling green fields and hills was something I never could have imagined even after seeing plenty of pictures. I have always lived fairly close to cities (Boston, NYC, LA) so I hadn’t seen this type of landscape before.

When we got to Kilkenny we were notified that our hotel had been temporarily closed due to the weather...? (The weather had been fine. This was a weird excuse.) They moved us to another hotel a few streets away. It was a little bizarre. There was a bin at the bottom of the stairs labeled swords/towels. They told us we couldn't stay in the room next to ours but that we had to use the shower in there because the door to ours had fallen off. Haha. My mom and I are both pretty go-with-the-flow type people so we did just that. 

Kilkenny was so cute!! We spent some time exploring Kilkenny Castle and we walked down the field that sits behind it. Unfortunately this was back when Periscopes deleted after 24 hours so I don’t have my broadcast to post here, but it was really cool to bring my community there with me for some of the adventure.

We arrived in Cork the following day. We stayed at Creedons Traditional Irish Welcome Inn which was right at the end of Oliver Plunkett Street. If you visit Cork, definitely check out this area. The street is lined with shops and restaurants and buskers playing music on the sidewalk. While you're there, pop into the English Market. It's beautiful.

Onward to Killarney. It was a beautiful town, but it was raining pretty hard that day.. and honestly from traveling around to so many places so quickly, we were both really tired. We went and explored Ross Castle, then into the city center for lunch, which was actually one of the best lunches we had. Giant beers and some kind of brie and cranberry toast thing..and then just hid out in our B&B for the rest of the day. On our way out of the city we got the car stuck in an alley and there were tons of other cars behind us and I had to climb out my window and slide across the hood of the car to help my mom get out. Haha. That’s probably the only tense moment from the whole trip, but we figured it out. Sans Souci. No Worries.

The next day we stopped in Limerick, saw some castles and had a glass of wine overlooking the River Shannon. I had fallen in love with Ireland at this point. I didn’t think I could love it any more than I did in this moment. I was wrong.

We went to the Blarney Castle and I kissed the stone. Apparently the legend says that once you kiss it you're endowed with the "gift of gab." I like to think it worked, although I've always been a talker. ;)

Next we drove out to Dingle (hehe) and then to Slea Head. It was a long drive and it was a foggy day but it was still one of the most incredible views I had ever seen. I feel like I keep saying that. Ugh. Ireland, I love you.

img_4986

On our way out to Galway we stopped at the Cliffs of Moher. I honestly can’t even describe them. If you do only one thing in Ireland, if there is only ONE place you see, consider letting this be it. I don’t recommend going on the path directly on the edge of the cliffs, since apparently not uncommon for people to slip and fall over the edge. I think they said around 15 people per year fall over the edge. I’m the kind of person who trips over my own feet on completely solid ground, so I wasn’t going to risk it. We stayed on the path that was a few yards away. I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that it was real. They looked like fake cliffs from a movie. It was like Pandora.. or Narnia. Despite my best efforts, a picture just can’t capture the essence of this place. You have to go there. 

We arrived in Galway, and I of course fell in love with it. Ha. I lay in the grass in Claddagh looking for 4 leaf clovers, ate fish and chips and watched Irish dancers. Our trip was coming to a close. I couldn't believe how much we had done in such a short time. We spent the last night back in Dublin where we had started and now, here I am.. on my way home. Wait! Pilot! Is it too late to turn around? Oh, it is? Damn.

Time to plan the next adventure!

Xx

Lis

On the Move

The sun has risen 1,110 times since I moved to Los Angeles, and although my heart still occasionally aches for people and weather patterns on the east coast, this town has definitely settled into my system. (Or vice versa.)  When I arrived I was sure this was where I wanted to stay forever! Yay Los Angeles.. Then the dreaded 3 year mark hit. Let’s go back for a second here and analyze this strange 3 year cycle I have found myself in numerous times.

After high school I bounced around to a few different colleges until I decided that I wanted to park myself at Berklee College of Music in Boston. I did summer classes and took as many credits as I could at once, so I graduated from the 4 year program in 3 years. The minute I was done, I was out of there! Boston is beautiful! I love it. But after 3 years I was ready to go. I went straight to NYC. I loved it! It was perfect! I was a New York City girl! I started a band, recorded an album, all while having 3 different jobs that ate up every second that I wasn’t using to work on music. After 3 years, I was exhausted. NYC had broken my heart and my bank, and while I still love so many things about that town, I needed a change. I spent a little while touring with a new band, and then spent a few months in Canada but eventually I was ready to settle somewhere else. I decided to move to Vegas. (What?) As unexpected as this decision was, I made friends there that will last a lifetime. Then, after 3 months, I was ready to leave there too. I know 3 months isn’t the same as 3 years, but lets be real.. 3 months in Las Vegas can definitely FEEL like 3 years. 

Alas, I wound up in California. I knew the minute I got here that it would have my heart for a long time. The 3 year mark snuck up on me faster here than it had anywhere else. Time in LA moves much more quickly than any other town that I’ve called home. I attribute this mostly to the fact that there aren’t really any seasons. Not the kind I was used to at least. There is no long, unbearable winter to get through so my concept of time was warped. All of a sudden it’s 3 years later. 

Don’t get me wrong. I still adore Los Angeles. For the first time after the 3 year mark I’m not actually ready to move.  I want to have a place to stay when I am there, but my heart desperately needs to travel the world.  My next move was pretty clear. One night about 3 months ago.. February 16th to be exact, I had an epiphany. I had the BEST idea. I was so excited. I danced around the room like a little kid and texted my sister 14,000 times.  Over the next two months while my passion finally began to manifest into something with a bit of structure, I realized that the idea I had that night in February was actually one of the stupidest ideas I’ve ever had. But because I was moving forward and following my heart, it morphed into what is now my plan to travel the world, explore music in different cultures, really explore the music in my own heart, and try to figure out what makes myself and other people happy. How can we be more inspired?  How can we bounce back more quickly from heartbreak and misfortune? Where are people the happiest? Can music really heal? I have so many questions! 

Let’s find out..

Xx

Lis

Welcome…

Love is many things, none of them logical..

"I suppose you think you're brave don't you?"

              "..Only compared to some"      -The Princess Bride

Is it just me or when you feel mild turbulence on a plane do you all of a sudden start thinking irrational thoughts about the last thing you said to your mom or who you'd call if you only had time to call one person before the plane crashed.. Then all of a sudden you flash back to other memories you wouldn't in a million years revisit had you not hit a small patch of rough air?  Memories are weird like that.  I picture them as little rooms in my brain.. bright white rooms with miniature people or things dancing around in them.. and I've realized over the past couple of years that the less I try to pick the locks, the better off everyone will be. I think the ones that need to be opened will do so on their own.. in their own time.

Here I am. It's late September. It's been over 3 years since I wrote a blog and I'm finally feeling like it's time to reflect. I had been seriously avoiding for a while the analysis of the years since I left New York City. I went through a lot. I lost a lot. I hit an insanely dark rock bottom and had to climb my way out of it. Mind you, I was kicking and screaming the whole time, because it seems much easier sometimes to lay at the bottom of a dark hole and feel sorry for yourself than to actually put in the work to change your life.. but the work is so worth it. Happiness is fucking awesome.  I'm finally in a headspace where I can bathe in the light that I found at the end of that crazy, winding, confusing, exhilarating, painful and euphoric tunnel… 

'We all wear masks, and the time comes when we cannot remove them without removing some of our own skin.'

 Before I moved to California I was on the run for a long time. From what? I'm not entirely sure. Maybe myself? Maybe the person I appeared to be that wasn't my true self?  I think sometimes people are on the run for so long that they forget what they're running from…And realistically whatever it was they probably outran a while back but didn't stop to turn around and realize they were safe. I sure as Hell have nothing to run from other than any fear in my own head.. but I can't outrun myself..so I have learned (and continue to learn) lessons daily in dealing with those fears head on. All I've got to lose by taking chances are a healthy ego and an unbroken heart… both of which mend in time. But in the same breath there's something to be said about running, escaping, traveling. Maybe you're supposed to lose yourself along the way to have a birds eye view of what it is you're supposed to be doing. Sometimes a bit of wandering can do you a great deal of good. Sometimes you have to run from things that feel wrong in order to find what feels right. It's important to remember that what you're running from isn't as important as what you find when you get far enough away to see clearly.. and breathe again.

For years I had been giving people the same advice.. "Why don't you just go to LA if thats what you want? Pack up your shit and move out there." But I never actually had the (metaphorical) balls to do it myself. There was always an excuse for me to stay in a certain city;  whatever band I was singing in at the time, a boyfriend, a job..etc. When I no longer had any of those things to hide behind, I came to the conclusion that if I give advice but don't practice it, I can't be certain that it was actually good advice. What experience was I speaking from? I don't enjoy feeling that my words lack substance. So, for this reason only (and maybe the 40 degree increase in temperature) I did just that; packed up all my shit and left town. Drove across the country in a van and ended up in Los Angeles with no plan and no place to live, to prove to everyone (or attempt to prove) that when I give advice, I occasionally know what I'm talking about.. and although I do thoroughly enjoy listening to myself talk, that is not the reason I do it.

 My last blog was about how I was going to bust my ass and work so hard and make LA everything I wanted it to be.. Then I got here and was immediately hit by the harsh reality that I had no idea what I wanted it to be. No idea where I wanted to go. I had recently quit my band, gone through an incredibly painful break up, recovered from a pretty serious eating disorder (yup, putting that out there publicly for the first time..) and I had to do some intense soul searching to figure out what it was that I wanted. Prior to this I had always seen my goals fairly clearly, but sometimes it felt like they were packed in a box on a shelf that was just out of my reach. I could see the box, and I knew there was a way to get to it, but since I was always so intent on getting things immediately, and exactly as I wanted them, I just stayed there jumping and swatting at it when all I needed to do was go get a fucking ladder. Making your dreams come true means hard work, not jumping at any opportunity that you think could be an easy ticket to your destination…(Which, by the way, it almost always isn't.)

Part of what sidetracked me for so long is that I'd gotten into the habit of believing that it was okay to be mean spirited. I somehow thought it was my right to hate and blame and feel sorry for myself. And I had to learn that while the high road may often be darker and have a rougher terrain, what you find at the end of it is far more beautiful and rewarding than what you'd end up with if you had let yourself fall down to the level of those who relentlessly try to create wars.

"Good heavens are you still trying to win? You've got an overdeveloped sense of vengeance. It's going to get you into trouble some day."  

I believe people usually hurt you because they are also hurting. I think it's important to realize that you may not be the only one who is suffering in any given situation. Why spend all of your time breaking yourself down even more by trying to make sure they know how hurt you are? Why fall asleep angry and fill your dreams with visions of things that drive you insane? Isn't dreaming for gumdrops and sugarplums? (Not sure I even know what a sugarplum is…) Point: Let things go. (I'm only making this point so strongly because I occasionally still need to hear it myself.) We tend to hold onto things that don't serve us, and let go of those things that could enhance our lives.

 One day after praying for clarity and an open heart, I committed to forgiveness. Committed to letting go of all of the anger, of my ideas of what I 'deserved.' I had to first forgive myself and then I could set out on a path to forgive the people who I had been trapping in a field of negative energy. Feeling (mostly) cleansed of my bitterness, I finally had the opportunity to explore new things and see what I enjoyed on my own. Dreams change. They grow as we do. Music will always be what's in my heart, but my view of what I want from it has changed drastically. Music used to be what I would do to calm down or to alleviate any pain or stress, and somehow it morphed into what stressed me out the most. I needed to take a serious break from it to realize what it was about music that made me happy. I had to remember the girl I had been before I started chasing glitter and empty promises. It's the raw aspect of music that I fell in love with. I needed desperately to reconnect with that part of my soul. 

I'm now a big believer in second impressions and second chances.  I'm also a believer in giving someone the chance to apologize if they feel the need to, (even if I am pretty convinced that they have lost their mind.) This is due largely in part to my knowledge of the feelings that come along with not being able to express oneself properly. I've become a much more genuine version of myself, a much more honest version of myself since my move to California.. I've realized that there are so many wonderful people here who love me even at my most messed up… so if someone gets to know me and they don't dig my vibe… that's fine. I can't force someone to think that clumsy and giggly are endearing qualities if they just don't, right?  But I do like to feel that I had a proper chance to let someone get to know me before they make that decision. And it makes my stomach turn a little when I know someone has a completely skewed vision of who I am. This is often inevitable, I know… but my initial point was that I try my best to let other people express themselves if they feel they've made a terrible first impression, or if there is an apology that they feel they need to make. Words left unsaid often don't stay that way. Better to get them out before they catch fire and come flying out in a fit of rage at a terrible time, no?  

I just had a birthday and I think this year will be an entirely new experience. More meditating, more nature, more music, and even more me.  I'm surrounded by an incredible amount of beauty and love in my life and I'm finally feeling so grateful for everything. God has been so good to me. He has healed my heart and given me an army of angels in the form of my friends and family. I've always said I wanted to be at a point in my life where I'm not holding any grudges, where I'm truly thankful for all of the stupid bullshit I've been through because it all brought me to this perfect happy moment.. and I really believe I'm there. I read a book this summer called The Shack. It helped me to let go of the last grudge I was holding. I reached out and we exchanged apologies and I finally unlocked the last set of chains that had been surrounding my heart. I can honestly say there is no one in the world that I hate. There is no one that I'm harboring anger towards. My heart is light. Things are falling into place.. I'm growing up. It's a good feeling.